No one wants to think like this. For many of us, we knew a long time ago it was over but ending it can be more dreadful than the sadness you feel living through the relationship from hell. Leaving is never easy, no matter how long you've been involved. We'd rather just stay and put up then have to write the Dear John/Jane letter and move on.
Do you know when it's time to leave? Are you hanging on for the wrong reasons? What are you hanging for anyway? Sometimes we hang on because we think we can change our partner or perhaps we hold on to hope that their behaviour will change. But how long do we hold on for, really? What are the signs that indicate that it really is time to write the letter?
1. Intimacy has long been gone.
No kissing, no hand holding, nothing. That ended a long time ago and affection left with it. Intimacy is more than sex. It's about being affectionate and showing love other ways. When that's gone, and has been for a long time, it may be time.
2. Conversation is also non-existent.
You two really just don't have anything to talk about and quite possibly no longer have anything in common. That happens often as people grow and change, our interests change as well while our partner changes in other ways.
3. Being in the same room makes you uncomfortable.
You are starting to have feelings of dislike for you partner and no longer even want to be in the same room as them. If this isn't a clear enough sign for you to leave then who knows what is.
4. Go your separate ways.
Meaning you no longer go to places together anymore. He goes to his friend's; you go to yours. There is no interest in going anywhere as a couple anymore. All you do is fight when you get there or ignore each other, so you don't even bother. What's the point?
5. Fights, many fights.
All the time. You fight so much now you even fight about things that aren't even worth fighting for. We still hang on though because many of us still think deep down in our hearts things just might get better. Yet the fights continue.
6. You prefer to spend time alone, away from your partner.
You actually enjoy solitude more than his/her companionship. Seeking peace and quiet is more satisfying to you then spending time with them.
7. Signs of disrespect are starting.
The name calling, inconsiderate acts of selfishness, belittling each other and other signs of disrespect, at one time, used to be few and far bet ween but are now happening with much more frequency.
8. Counselling should be considered but is not an option.
One of you wants to go, the other doesn't see the need. You know that professional help is required but both parties have to want it. When only one wants to go, the other clearly has no interest in making things better.
9. Saying I love you rarely occurs.
You're not even really sure you feel it anymore. Sure, you love the person who you fell in love with 5, 10 or 15 years ago but it's not the same kind of love anymore. There is no deep meaningful love and you doubt you will ever have it again.
10. Sadness has taken over.
Where there used to be joy and happiness is now sad and empty. You feel nothing anymore but sadness. There is no love, no laughing, no connections. It's all gone and has been replaced with loneliness and emptiness.
When we start experiencing any of these signs, and counselling is not an option, it just may be time to pack that bag and go one. Hanging on to something that cannot be fixed is simply a waste of precious life. You are here to live in love and joy. Not sadness and misery. Talk and fix it or leave. This is the only life you have. Be happy.
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