Finally, after years of being in and out of nasty relationships that sucked you dry of life and took away any chance of happiness, you have met the person of your dreams. He's ticked off all the boxes of things you are looking for in a partner. You are in awe and ridiculously giddy. School girl like giddy. Butterflies in your tummy like giddy. Your head is in the clouds. Finally, the man of your dreams has arrived. But wait. There's something you need to make note of and never forget. Something very very important that will make or break the relationship if you don't handle it properly.
He's been on his own for many years and is quite accustomed to it. Having a partner, though wonderful, is a bit of an anomaly. He wants to be in love and wants all the great things that comes with being in a union but he's been out of the loop for so long, and wonders, can he do it? There really is only one way to find out.
I've compiled a small list of things you need to take into consideration when you are in a relationship with someone who is used to being alone and has been for a very long time.
1. He'll need a refresher course on sharing.
It's not that he doesn't want to share or doesn't know how to. He remembers what he was taught by his parents, sharing is caring. He wants to share, he just simply forgets that he has to now. Sharing things like the couch, the bathroom counter, the closet. That kind of stuff. Be gentle and just remind him, he's not a bachelor anymore.
2. He may do things, many things, without actually telling you, or simply forgetting to tell you.
He hasn't had to answer to any one in a long time so he may go and do something or buy something without consulting you first. Gentle reminders will go a long way. Smile and nod and then let him know that communication really is key.
3. You will be scrutinized by his whole clan.
That will include all his besties, girls too, brothers, sisters and especially mom. Her boy wasn't going to settle until he found miss perfect. You have a serious title to live up to. He didn't tell you that part did he?
4. He will still want his alone time.
And you should too. Having your own time alone is very important in any relationship, no matter how long you two have been together for. Respect the fact that he may want to go on road trips alone, or may want to sit in the study and read a book alone. He's not ignoring you and in fact it has nothing to do with you. It's the space he requires. Give it to him without question.
5. He won't trust as easily as you think.
Not because he doesn't trust you or because you have indirectly given him reason not to trust you, it's simply because he's been alone and knows only how he operates in his mind. He will want to question your ideas and your motives. Be patient. He'll come around and eventually trust.
6. It'll be hard for him to let you do things for him.
He's just not used to it. Don't be hurt if at first his reaction isn't one of great joy and glee. It makes him slightly uncomfortable to have things done for him, even little things. He'll come around!
7. He may forget that he doesn't live alone anymore.
He very well may accidentally leave all his laundry all over the bedroom floor or forget to put the toilet seat down or maybe even forget to clean up after himself in the kitchen. He's not a slob, he simply forgets, that he's not alone anymore that's all. Remember, gentle reminders will go a long way, again.
8. Give him time to adjust.
This is all so very new to him and as much as he does love you and truly wants to be with you, this whole living arrangement thing is a huge adjustment for him. Your patience will be greatly appreciated and you will need it for a while until he finally catches on.
The man of your dreams will need time to get used to his new life. He may not be perfect in the beginning but remember all the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place. In time, he'll settle into this new life and you two will be the couple that people are in awe of. Patience.
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