If you always wanted to "Be More Social" but never figured out how to do it, then let me share with you the most important things you need to know.
If you want to have interesting friends to go out with, have fun, talk to, travel with, and meet over the weekend, you need to learn the critical friend-making skills. These skills will allow you to avoid spending your weekends bored, or be around people that aren't a good match for you, and with whom you feel judged or criticized.
I want to share you one strategy that can take you from complete confusion about how to make friends, to clarity and results. Let's dive right in.
Making Friends – The Context
One reason that gets people to stay lonely for years, is that they only "try" to be social once in a while.
Instead, you need to put a place in your life… for social activities. A place that is not" negotiable, it's only there for meeting up with new or existing friends. Here is how…
The Timing
First, take your weekly calendar… mark the hours of the week in the specific days, that you'll devote to social activity.
That chunk of time is for THAT… and ONLY THAT. No Facebook allowed, no computer, no TV, no work, or anything. Just for socializing.
If you don't set a time for socializing, then there will always be stuff to distract you from it… and it go on for years.
The Places
Decide, right now, what places you like to go to. You choose. Where would you like to go on weekends if you had the friends want? What would you do on holidays? On week days?
This is important because it makes you more credible when you suggest plans to people… If you have no idea what kind of plans you want to have, how can anybody join you?
And, don't worry about where popular people go, just decide what YOU would like to do. Write a list somewhere.
The Traps (that will trick you into meeting new friends)
Let's face it, it's hard to pull yourself out of your past habits and go out to meet new people… The trick is to "trick" yourself into socializing… and it's kinda fun. Here is how…
Take one interest of yours, then find a club, meetup group, interest group, or NGO with people who meet regularly around that subject. Attend ALL meetings.
If they have a team that manages those meetups, offer to help.
This will be your "socializing ritual". It will push you to have friends and socialize whether you feel like it or not. It works because you don't have to motivate yourself for two hours to do it. It's legitimate, and doesn't feel weird.
Making Friends – The Skills
There are many social skills, but the friend-making skills can make all the difference. Here are three of the most important ones…
Meeting New People
Do you feel anxious about talking to people you don't know? Great!
That anxiety means that you just don't know how to do it. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that you're weird. It's just a skill to learn.
Basically, when you talk to a new person, you can ask generic questions, and look for stuff you have in common. If you can't find any, ask some more open questions like "what do you think of X-Y-Z ?", these types of questions get people to express their unique point of view. And that reveals to you what they're like.
If you still can't find anything in common with the person. Be nice, and move on. Never be too available to anyone who would wanna be your friend.
The key is to make friends that are a good match for you… that like the stuff you like, think like you think, like the places that you like to go to, etc.
Contacting New People to Meet Up
This is another skill, it takes guts, but recognize it for what it is : a skill.
Say you get the contact information of someone you just met, after a week or so, call them up (or text), ask how they're going, mention something you talked about, and say something like…
"So if you have time, tomorrow around 8, we can get a drink or something, what do you think?"… simple as that!
If they don't have time, fine! You don't want to force them, anyway. Move on. This is your life, and it's too important to waste worrying about who didn't have time for you.
Going Out with Existing Friends, and Bringing New Ones
This is simple, but you don't have to do at first. Once you get one or two friends, you want to start introducing people to each other.
Once you do that, it's much easier to keep your social life moving, because you're not the only one calling, and making plans.
If you have friends, but they don't know each other, then you're doing 10 times the effort you could be doing, if you had friends that actually know each other. That's how it works.
Making Friends – A Special Secret
There is a secret that makes some people learn how to make friends quickly, while others struggle with it for years.
That secret is to, as I said before, is to consider this as a SKILL… instead of thinking that it's weird, or that there is something wrong with you.
Relax, everybody could use a couple more cool and interesting friends that would understand them… and if they say the opposite, odds are that they're lying.
It's a Skill… Learn it!" It doesn't mean anything weird about you, it's just a skill.
…If you want to get more tips on meeting people, making great conversation, and making friends, while avoiding the socially awkward mistakes that most people make when they want to make new friends… then you can subscribe to my Free Social Skills Newsletter .
See you there,
Paul Sanders
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