If you're struggling with your social life, you probably start to wonder if other people see you as "normal" or not. There is a pressure on you to conform and be like everyone else.
Yes, you need to be normal enough so that people can relate to you.
The problem comes when you repress your uniqueness so much that you start to come across as having no edge or personality. There is a balance to be achieved here.
People That Try To Be Perfect Are Not Trusted
First of all, your social life isn't going to be fun or easy if you're striving to look and sound perfect. People figure that if you're trying to look perfect, then you're probably hiding something. They make that conclusion on instinct, without even thinking about it.
You need to be ready to reveal some weaknesses or imperfections. Some things are "okay" to show even if you're not too proud of. You might get teased about it, and that's okay because you anticipate to be teased.
Of course, only close friends can tease you, and that's part of the deal, you can tease them as well. It's just for fun, and it reminds everyone not to take themselves too seriously.
E.g., "Your car is always a mess"; "You always fail at following up with your workout"; "Your grammar is horrible (like me)", and so on… learn to show your weaknesses.
People Love Vulnerable People
It's really strange how it works, but in my experience, the people that are the most attractive are also people who have clear vulnerabilities. This is the case for women and men.
Of course, you don't want to be a weak complainer, but just know that the more sincere about who you are, the more people are comfortable around you.
Being A Conformist Repulses Interesting People
If you have no value to add to the world, if you have no unique abilities, opinions or perspectives, then who are you really? A copy of everyone else? There is nothing wrong with that if it's the case, but just know that it doesn't have an advantage for your social life.
I believe that you do have a unique side of you, but maybe you're not letting it out enough. What you have to do is shift your mindset. Instead of hiding your unique side, you need to reveal it to the people you want to be friends with.
Being a conformist is actually dangerous as it makes unique and interesting people not want to be around you for fear that you wouldn't understand them.
People Will Remember You
It's also easy to remember people who have something quirky, funny, or exceptional about them, however small it might be. That means that when you reach out to people, they'll know that you have something unique to add to the table and will be more inclined to include you in their plans.
Of course, you don't have to make things up here, being sincere about who you are is important as well. You can't fake it. Practice revealing a little more than usual; as a rule of thumb, reveal 5% more than usual and go with that.
Learn More
To get more tips like these on making friends and building your social life, make sure you get on my Free Social Skills Newsletter .
-Paul Sanders
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