The minute you decide to move to the country, you know your life is going to change. With big dreams of organic gardens and fresh, GMO-free eggs, your children exploring ponds and fields while you relax on the porch with a cup of tea after a long day of gardening, you’re excited about what’s to come. And you should be.
But there’s something else you need to consider.
If you’ve lived in the city most of your life, or even just for awhile, the move to or back to the country doesn’t come without a time of transition… sometimes a painful one. I’ll use my own experience as a case in point: the first few months here I barely slept , fearful of being alone with my young son at the end of a road with no other homes nearby. Every crack outside in the dark caused my heart to jump. Every car going by late at night was a potential intruder. Walking out to the car in the dark required a flashlight and a BIG voice.
Needless to say, I was tired a lot… and therefore grumpy – all while still having to commute to the city for my job. I’m thinking maybe I wasn’t a very nice person during that time…
Now, I got over all those things eventually, and after about 6 months we were pretty comfortable with all the new sounds and experiences, but it was definitely a transition. And we didn’t even have to get to know a new community, as I’d grown up here and it felt familiar – moving to a brand new town where I knew no one would have added a whole other layer of ‘getting used to it’.
And of course, then came the power outages, downed trees, crazed squirrels that kept us awake at night for months on end…
Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?
With all the magazines and books out there on the topic of modern homesteading and rural living, you rarely see or hear stories about that transition time, the period when you’re trying to get used to everything, when you’re possibly frustrated, confused, and depending on your situation, pretty lonely. It can be an incredibly isolating and disappointing experience – I’ve heard of more than a few people who packed it in and headed back to the city when their rosy dream didn’t quite play out in reality.
So with that in mind, I thought I’d ask the kind folks on our Facebook page what their toughest adjustment was when they moved to a rural area. I think you’ll find their answers enlightening – they include a lot of things we never had to deal with, and I never would have thought of…
“For those of you already living in the country (and who moved from the city), what would you say has been the toughest adjustment?”
- “For me it’s the mice. Many more mice get in than in an urban area.”
- “No pizza delivery!”
- “Scheduling my meals so that I only have to make one trip to the groceries a week and that’s on Sundays when we go to town for Mass.”
- “The ‘goat path’ we have for a road has been my hardest adjustment. Has beat up more than 1 vehicle. During ice/snow events we are stuck.”
- “No high speed DSL.”
- “Moved from Nashville, TN (where I had a stimulating career) to rural Ohio on the farm. Sometimes I miss the fun of music, shows, house concert parties, always meeting new interesting people- but I always miss my friends- the creative support and long talks over wine. In the country- the friendships are just different.”
- “Not having your next door neighbor living next to you.”
- “Keeping warm. Moved into this 80 year old wee house in the middle of nowhere just after Christmas. The geothermal heat/AC system is shot (knew when I bought but the price was right) and a new unit is $10,000 which I can’t afford til the city house is sold so electric baseboard heaters for now ($$$$ kaching) plus there’s no heat at all in my bedroom or office. Attic insulation R50 but nothing in the crawl space. Just had that foamed and it makes a big difference.”
- “Living with the fact that when the power goes out… so does the water from the well. No big deal we can carry water from the spring, but it is huge inconvenience.”
- “Learning how to fix things. Trades people are few and far between out here and can pick and choose their jobs. Not many want to come out here in the boonies and if they do they charge you a premium. Learning how to fix things ourselves has been tough but incredibly rewarding.”
- “Ways not having enough time to do all we want in the country, too many ideas and not enough time to do them all.”
- “We love in Maine and I think one huge thing people under estimate is time…drive time if you need to pick up something at the store.”
- “Since my husband travels a lot and we are a good 20 miles or so from the shops, the two biggest adjustments for me have been learning how to plan my day as a disabled person with limited to no access to immediate transportation and getting to know the local emergency personnel and where the neighbors who can help live.”
- “Learning who we could trust. Rebuilding the reliable network of tradespeople who do the things we can’t.”
- “Cell phone reception sucks where I am. I chose to cut corners on my budget got rid of the land line. Love to drive so distance no problem. I work in a grocery store so no problem there. Love the peace and quiet. No traffic. No traffic lights either. The way life should be!”
- “Trash is a problem. I was used to just taking it to the curb. Now I have to tote, burn and still have stuff I don’t know what to do with.”
- “Making due with what you have….when its 2 1/2 hours to get anything to fix something…”
- “Er, how do I say this nicely….people being all up in your business. Yeah, that’s been the biggest adjustment.”
- “10 yrs ago, the hardest thing for me to adjust was the mud room, literally covered with dirt and mud everyday. Dirt drives me crazy, but much better now.”
- “Not having “take-out” as an option when I just don’t want to cook was a pretty hard adjustment, but it just made me plan meals better. I wouldn’t change the small-town atmosphere we love here for the concrete jungle we escaped years ago, no matter how many conveniences we would have there!”
- “Making new friends.”
- “Small towns roll up the sidewalks at dark. but you learn to adjust and slow down.”
- “For me, its been a physical challenge that I didn’t fully anticipate. The transition from working at a desk behind a computer, transitioning to the physical strain required on the farm…not to be underestimated.”
- “Not being able to just “run to the store”, whether for a missing ingredient or when a fix-it project hits a snag.”
- “The hardest thing for me was getting used to remembering to get everything I needed from the store. The store was no longer 1 mile away – it was 20 and not practical to rush back for 1-2 items. And getting used to life without fast food. I went to town once just for a cheeseburger and my husband had to remind me that it was time to learn how to cook at home Its been 11 years here and sometimes it is still hard to organize my day just right to get it all down but at least I no longer have to make special trips.”
- “Our lifestyle was such a huge transition for some of our friends that they are no longer our friends. It also takes time to be accepted into a new community and develop new friendships and that can sometimes be a lonely road for awhile until you start making connections.”
- “I live in a small community, the only way out is by plane or boat so we are isolated. Specialists means a trip out of town or being flown out air ambulance (20 min to Vancouver , bc) shipping costs have to be tacked on to food ect. So things can be more expensive and limited selection, but like someone said earlier, the pads are dead after nine except for the critters.”
And this one, which is so tragic, and an issue many of us never think about when looking for a new community to call home:
- “The very worst adjustment has been the lack of emergency services – it took a very long time (what seems like eternity) for the ambulance to get to our house when my son collapsed. He was eventually air lifted to the nearest big city. He passed away three days later.”
The Wrap-up
As you can see, there are a lot of things our fellow modern homesteaders either didn’t expect, found minor inconveniences, or were major, life changing events. So as you plan your move to the country, take a look at this list and try to answer the question, “How would I handle this?”.
I’ve also put together a list of some of my previous articles on the topic of ‘preparing for living in the country’ that I hope you’ll find useful:
- Rural Living – Are You Cut Out For It? 7 Ways to Know For Sure
- Your Country Home Office: Does Your Dream Homestead Property Have What it Takes?
- No Regrets: 10 Key Things to Consider Before Moving to the Country
- Modern Homesteading – Lessons Learned So Far (Part I)
- Modern Homesteading – Lessons Learned So Far (Part II)
- Living Your Dream – 3 Strategies for Embracing Fear and Resistance
- Modern Homesteading – Reality Check
- Challenges & Benefits of Country Living – Part 1: The Cons/Challenges
If you’ve already moved from city to country, what was your toughest adjustment? Please let us know in the comments below – you never know who you’ll help!
- 11 Lessons Learned from 11 Years of Rural Living - March 23, 2020
- What is ‘Modern Homesteading’, Anyway? - July 17, 2016
- Summer Rural Living Celebration! - July 1, 2014
Nice article!
Thank you Victoria for this post. I am a bit late but I am moving to the countryside, eastern township of Quebec, my husband’s hometown of which everyone seems to be related. We’ve been together for years and travelling a lot but now heading back to settle and I’m a bit scared of all the isolation in store for me. Nearest neighbour 1 km away, my in-laws and practically all the relatives of his surrounding that 1km. And I don’t speak French. Needless to say,thank you for your article and knowing there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Best.
I hope all is going well! It’s definitely an adjustment, but a wonderful adventure for those able to get past the uncomfortable moments… 🙂
For a very long time, I have been dreaming of rural living. As a young child I lived in a rural community. Actually, our home on a hillside faraway from any neighbors. The nearest neighbor was about 1/4 mile away but we could hear each other in the distance and sometimes peering through the bushes we could see persons walking on the path across the. As a child I enjoyed the large property that my brothers and I had to romp around on. We ran around and laughed loud and climbed trees and plant veggetables, hunt birds and explore the nearby woodlands.
Our property had many fruit trees and flowering plants. We lived in a tropical climate so we stayed up late at night listening to our caretaker who was our grandfather telling us funny stories, and we would sing and laugh, read books by lamp light and used bottle torch to move around in the dark.
We would,play tricks on each other when whoever was carrying the torch would blow out the light and we scream in fear and then got real still and feel around for each other in the dark. When the culprit would light the torch again we begged to go back inside the house.
The rainy seasons were especially great as we would stand out in the rain soaking wet but enjoying the cool off of the hot weather. The fruit trees would be laden with fruits such as the mango trees and the orange trees. The fragrance from the flowers would fill my nostrils with scents that would tickle and caress my sense of smell. There we a large variety of birds that would sing at us and flap their wings as they fly overhead also the hummingbird could be seen hovering over a red hibiscus flower sucking the last drop of honey suckle from its pollen.
How I long to live this simple happy life again.
Looking back, I would do anything to relive my life in this tranquil quietude life with someone who could appreciate serene and tranquill living.
Would appreciate like minded people to share their early childhood dreams too.
What beautiful memories – thanks so much for sharing! My upbringing was sort of suburban – a subdivision in a small town – but we had many an outing into the wilds picking berries and exploring… those are the days I remember most.
We’ll folks, look at Mother Earth News, Countryside magazine, Backwoods Home & maybe rural heritage which is about using big animals. Then there’s plenty of books and videos that might be referenced. Get some books about the plants, medicinal plants as well as the fruit that’s available. Don’t forget to start honeybees. Which top bar gives might be a start.
Rodale has books on companion planting, planting by the moon, natural pesticides.
Get a good .22 rifle and a bucket of bullets.
A Bible is good to have too.
There’s the Foxfore collection of books that make good reading as well as preserving foods, quilt making, hide tanning, making soap, making butter, cheese.
Oh, Richters’ herbs has a while lot of beneficial herbs for many things that list in the description. You might want to write the wooden boat magazine store for how to build a boat.
Then logging roads, well locations usually have to be built up which means barpits were dug which can have nice size fish and plenty of them.
Oh, don’t watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre by yourself. I lived there a long time, I had a pistol in my lap, a shotgun across my lap and I had to go when he hung that girl on a meat hook.
But, you can kind of choose your friends or not to.
You might want to find out about brewing even if you don’t drink.
I think a woodstove would be welcomed.
Now some rural places are kind of segregated. Some places is church folks, some places are the outlaws, some places are for the drunks. Anything in the city is in the country. As far as behaviors.
There’s those that play with Ouija boards, those that read the Bible, there’s even normal people out there.
Now some can do things that thinks funny like putting a wild animal in your house or vehicle, but that’s seldom.
Boredom can really set in.
Watch out for snakes of you’re in the woods. Always step on a log or rock and look under. They like to lay in the cool shade in the heat of the day. Saved me one time. Crossing a bottom bog, a dog cut me off and got not instead of me. Which a good shotgun is good. 20 gauge will do about anything a 12 will without bad recoil. But you can always get a 12 & shoot low brass. But keep heavier loads for other things. Like the Texas Chainsaw guy.
It’s good to find someone and others you like. Fish fry or something fun.
Most people aren’t going to bother you. But I’d guess it’s depend on what part of the area you’re in.
Friends are important. There’s generally some friendly folks in the country.
Get a deep freeze so you can store up plenty. You might want to do some canning. Or dehydrating.
But ain’t nothing much fun unless you got someone to share it with.
Oh, you might want to have someone load some rocksalt into the shotgun shells in case someone gets nosey. Sometimes, usually younger ones can get into mischief and if they get around your place, rocksalt won’t hurt them if you hit them and word would get around not to mess around your place.
Again there’s folks that drive city cars in the country, get fancy hairdos, where they’d probably be happier in the city.
If you have a socializer personality, you might want to bring a friendly friend along. You’ll need someone suspicious to say, Did you hear that? What? Sounds like someone outside. Which animals can make all kind of noise. Where again, it’s be good to keep several flashlights around. Little double AS flashlights with leds out out just as much light as 6 cell lights using D batteries. Which a good LED Spotlight is handy, where it lights up a lot and aren’t real expensive now. Then get good batteries to have on hand like lithium batteries, they last longer than regular. A Coleman lantern might be good too. If for nothing else if you cook outside. Which flashlights are handy too. Then carry a blanket behind or under a dear just in case you were to break down. Even some crackers and canned meat or something that can be tucked away. I’m case you break down or maybe you find a place you’re enjoying and get a little hungry.
A cast iron Dutch oven might be good too. It can cook anything.
Grow some white yarrow to make skeeter (mosquito repellant). Get some ambesol or oragel, where it can relieve wasp stings, and bites even minor burns. Good to have 3 or 4 bottles. Then have a couple of eyewash glasses you can get from the pharmacy as well as some eyewash and sterile water in case you get some sort of debris in your eye. A couple pair of tweezers in case you get a splinter or something stuck. Plenty of iodine. Which it can also purify water. A tube of crazy glue in case you get a split nail. Then eat plenty of jelly or jello to hurry the growth of the nail.
A pair of pliers, flathead and Phillips screwdriver as well as a hammer.
If rotted wood is an issue, check out Rot Terminator out out by PC (Protective Coatings) Products. It’s an epoxy that penetrates the for and will set up extremely hard when cured. It’s thin so to permeate the wood.
Keep plenty of set goods like rice, potatoes, oatmeal. Get gallon hard to store it in. Where just so you have backup food for whatever reason.
If you’re into old timey things, there’s books on weaving baskets, using gourds for ladles, bowls or using vines, reeds to make traps, containers as well as earthenware, crockpots, which Foxfire books talk about. Oh, some trees out off sap that can be tapped to make sap of conditions are right.
There’s many berries in the wild that make good jams too.
But if you don’t have friends to enjoy it, well it might not be that great.
You’ll want to write the number down of where you’re at just in case you need to call EMT or the Sheriff dept. as well as their contact information. Generally you won’t need them. But, there’s always that time you might need to.
Keeping guineas around will control grass and snakes and I heard they’ll let you know when someone is around.
Oh, don’t forget about making candles. With a beehive or a wax tree, it’s something to do.
Oh, good fixed blade knives like Kabar or Cold Steel, then a pocket knife, kickbacks are safer, they won’t cold up on your finger. Where you might want to cut a piece of a sapling or a home to get growing around your house.
Oh there’s Strictly Medicinal that have been seeds. Not as many, but some different.
Like Marshmallow, which the modern marshmallow is said to have originated from the marshmallow root, which has health benefits.
The serenity of rural life is nice but can get old too. If you can get close to a clearing the night sky is something to enjoy. But stargazing can get old too.
Now just to exist in a rural area, uhhh, that gets real old real fast.
Now it’s better to have no friends than bad friends.
Which some have initiated communities to have like-minded people, which isn’t necessarily easy eitheir. The Fellowship for Intentional Communities can get you information on that. There’s many types of communities, christian, catholic, wiccan, anarchists and everything in between. Some have agrarian lifestyles. Others it varies. There’s also cohousing which they mention. A directory of listings too. Where you might like be near a community and not necessarily part of it. Where you make friends but if there’s nothing there, then you won’t have commuted to anything and you can go another direction.
Oh Mother Earth News has articles from the time of their start around 72 compiled in electronic storage, where I always enjoyed the information.
Where again, if you have contacts in the city, you might enjoy the rural life and rural activities even more. Having someone come visit, then someone else, where you’re their friend and they’d enjoy the get away as well as visiting you and while its’ dark and you’re chatting, you can freeze and ask, did you hear that? Lol.
LOVE this – so much wisdom wrapped up in a small space. Thanks so much for sharing your experience… 🙂
Yup, I get it! I’m not the ” Lone wolf type” I would tell my husband. We got a deal on this beautiful property so we moved 38 minutes out of the city into small town of 6000 we lived at the top of this big hill with a view on 47 acres it’s sub-dividable . I’m glad because I like neighbors . We used to lived in very nice suburb where neighbors had parties. Two of the neighbors texted me every week just to catch up so once we moved suddenly I felt all alone on a hill. Who would I call now if I needed help? Every sound scared me. I felt so alone I told my husband, ” we should build an ADU and rent it and hire someone to take care of our Christmas trees so we have company!” He laughed at that idea. We have a well , the electric is underground , solar panels , generators firewood and , 4- wheel drive. No grocery delivery out here! We go into the city once a week if that to shop.I stock up on everything because I don’t like to run out of things. My husband adopted two German shepherds very smart, sweet dogs that had to go to puppy school. Soon they were all done with school and graduated that was fun. Soon they began running with us on the property trail. We got two big nice heated dog houses for them my husband calls it ” ADU”, but its in the garage. Within a few months I felt like I was fine, it was quiet place, the air was really clean… I felt a deep sense of peace. Got two chickens for eggs , two Rhode Island reds apparently they re one of the quietest and friendly chickens. I adopted three working cats, and they lay around in the barn all day. 🙂 I used to work inside quasi military setting so I’m not exactly a wilting violet, but the city to country life is a big change and for me it took some getting use to. Especially no Thai, or Indian restaurants! My sister and her husband bought 4 acres from us and are building a house next door. And my neighbor from where we lived previously in the suburbs is wanting to buy four acres from us to build up here too. Build it and they will come must be true. We also started going to a little church down the road we really like the pastor. We are really blessed , in so many ways and we have a part of a wonderful community
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I know others will find it very helpful!
Grew up in Vermont/maine..left at 18..lived in dc/VA for 40 years..moved to rural vest VA in 2002..rural areas are slower and slow to accept “cityits” in woods, 1/2 mile off secondary road..husband has rifle, main stay up here..and have a large electric light on pole and other light sources. Once accepted, people go out of their way to help..time is still an issue..”be there tuesday..” Is not definative.next must ask..Which tuesday???
‘Which Tuesday?’ SO true! Thanks so much for sharing.
Mostly most if not all are self made problems or lack of preparedness. Rules to make sure YOU ( not someone on ridiculous social media) are ready are…
You are responsible for YOU!Stop whining about fast food .. u will live longer and be less fat!
Have house and yourself prepared – not just to save a few Pennie’s. Land line over gabbing on cell phone comes first!
I have lived in the Appalachians of N. Ga most all my life, so I have to smile at some of the comments. We are so use to vacationers and “city folks” making comments about our way of life, but when it comes down to it you are better off, safer and more self-sufficient. No covenants or restrictions, no nosey neighbors, free to grow and garden, build, remodel, add on or take off. I wouldn’t trade it for the convenience of the city at all. However, the hardest part of it for us, was the children as teens, not having anything to entertain them and their friends being “in town”. Recreation ball and such were lifesavers. My daughter started hunting with her dad when she was or 5. Old enough to sit still in a tree stand and watch for deer. When she got older she got her own hunting rifle, came and such and loved being in the woods. It took her several years (she was 17) before she got her first deer, but it was with one shot and clean. She was as proud as can be, her girlyfriends freaked out and her guy friends wanted to go hunting with he. LOL! A 4 wheeler is a must for farm life.
I so agree – it’s interesting to see what the perceptions are, isn’t it? Having lived both, I know what I choose… 🙂
Great Web site! I’m the author of “The Modern Homestead Manual,” a book that was written as the other side of the story that folks got from the homesteading mags and books that led them to believe all they would need for a successful life of homesteading was an old pickup and some chickens. The second edition of that book was published in 1998, so it has some dated details, but the basics remain unchanged. It is very thorough in presenting all the info you won’t get in other publications.
So here’s my question: I’ve recently been getting requests to redo the whole book, bringing everything up to date, and publish it as an ebook. So now I’m wondering if there is really an audience for an ebook on homesteading? The two just seem somehow at odds with each other, but hey, here’s a Web site all about homesteading, so maybe it would be well received. Any suggestions or comments would be very welcome.
The original book is still in print and available from most booksellers, including Amazon, and if I move ahead with the ebook, it would be available in Kindle and Nook versions.
I was thrilled to find this terrific Web site! Keep up the good work!
Skip ThomsenForestville, California
A very nice and instructive article. Really, it is a bit tough job to adjust to the countryside living. Loneliness and nights are fearful. But once you are adjusted and accustomed to the life, you are the greatest happy person in the world, living so close to nature.
Agreed! 🙂
Hey, stumbled upon your site looking for bear info. My wife and I have been doing similar stuff for the past 5 years…an adventure but coming from the city it was shocking how little we were prepared for. I laughed when you talked about every noise creaking you out…I remember one of our first nights..the house was (is) unfinished and the vapor barrier would make noises in the wind..I kept waking thinking somebody was trying to bust in! Still need to do some research on bears but I will be back to read more. Don’t want to post a link or anything (and feel free to remove this reference too(eagergridlessbeaver @ wordpress)) take a look if you get a chance. One thing about coming from the city to try your hand at homesteading is that if you like to learn you are going to have a blast!
Thanks so much for stopping by! Timely too, as we had a ‘visit’ a couple of nights ago – first of the year, and my fault for leaving the ‘chicken sick-bay’ (aka dog kennel) on the porch with chicken food, etc. still in it. Will be cleaning it up shortly.
When we moved here 10 years ago, I was returning to the farm I grew up on after over 25 years away. For me the biggest transition annoyance was the lack of high speed internet. But for my wife the culture shock was dramatic and I’d guess she’d say it was having to make new friends and connect to a new (and culturally much more conservative) community. But she said she intended to “bloom where I’m planted” and she definitely did. Everything worked out over time and we’re very happy now. We even have better internet service. 🙂
So glad to hear it! I think that attitude of ‘bloom where you’re planted’ is so refreshing, and critical to success at this rural living gig. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
The hardest part for me at our Nevada place is having only dial up internet service. I spent much of my childhood in the country, so I’m used to planning shopping for once a week or less. The other hard part for me was dealing with a very nice neighbor lady who was from an urban area and had a very hard time dealing with the isolation. She moved away and I still miss her.
I love being at our Nevada place because the values and politics are much more like mine; I actually had a much harder time adjusting when I moved to the SF Bay Area from the Pacific Northwest to pursue a career in software – because having a different political or social opinion in the Bay Area means people literally throwing temper tantrums and being absolutely rude in order to force thought conformity – it is the least tolerant place I have ever lived in large part because the more narrow minded the person, the more they believe themselves to be bastions of tolerance and enlightenment; part of the problem is that they define tolerance as agreement instead of letting people do things their own way.
When we were in Palo Alto, I actually had a complete stranger arrive on my doorstep to complain about my “I’d rather be hunting” license plate frame – she went into an outraged rant about how it “disturbed her child” and how it was inappropriate and intolerant because in Palo Alto we have many cultures and it was disrespectful of some cultures to have such a license plate. I let her vent for a while, and after about twenty minutes I realized she was prepared to go on for hours or days or however long it took to get me to take the license plate frame off of my car; I finally told her I was sorry it disturbed her child, but I wasn’t a child psychologist and shut the front door.
I love being in Nevada, or Idaho, or Montana, or Wyoming, or anywhere you can have different religions or politics and still be good friends.
Wow – your story about your neighbour in Palo Alto is amazing… 🙁 So glad you found a bit more peace from such intrusions. I can’t believe someone would complain about something like a license plate frame. Well, OK, I CAN believe it, but I’m shaking my head. As someone who was raised on game and has a reverence for wildlife, I absolutely understand where you’re coming from – some people just don’t understand. Do keep in touch! Would love to hear more about your experiences…
I have lived in the Midwest (grew up in Ohio), Bay Area and the Pacific NW. I am sorry you dealt with the woman throwing a temper tantrum. I’ve been vegetarian 19 years and actually hunting is generally pretty humane (compared to factory farming), so I wonder if this same woman shows up at grocery stores who sell meat to complain?
🙂 It does happen but thankfully very rarely. Thank you!
Hi there! I am new to this site and I love what I see! I was born and lived 40 years on the south side of Chicago. I remember my first trips into the country when I was a ‘kid’! The open spaces were scary and intimidating! I am working toward purchasing a country home, and look forward to doing a lot of the things I see folks doing here on this site. I currently work in education, so I have enough time off to really start to get into the life style. I will never do ‘full immersion’ like some of you folks, but I want to get a bit closer!
If someone is moving from the city to the country, I would suggest getting a trade that would be useful in the country; something like electrician or plumber. I wouldn’t suggest carpentry, because everyone seems to know enough of that craft to get buy, but doing some of other trades will save you money and give you a marketable skill you can use to generate income with or to barter with. If you currently live in a city, try to get accepted to a local union that works in the craft you are interested in. The training in any apprenticeship is way beyond what you will get from a community college. Now, I am not putting down any community college – I teach welding at one! But in addition to training in an apprenticeship, you will also gain real life, on the job experience, which is the best teacher. And as I stated earlier, you can take your skill back to town and work a ‘regular’ job, if you really need to.
I know an electrician from Chicago (single guy), who moved to a remote part of Montana. He has a home that is completely off the grid. With his skills, before he even moved out there, he had barter work and cash work lined up and was making friends and allies. Anyway, just a suggestion!
Thanks so much for stopping by AND for your really great advice about learning a valuable trade. Could not agree more! I love what I do, but part of me wishes I’d gone into a trade as well as my communications studies. Guess it’s never too late, is it!?
Just happened on your site today. Fabulous! Straight talk at last. I moved from New York City to rural Mississippi where straight talk (unless it’s of the expected varieties) or simply being odd can get you quickly isolated. It’s like junior high school where if the popular girls aren’t your friends most other girls won’t chance it. When I first encountered that ‘today I’ll shower you with Southern hospitality and warmth but tomorrow I may not notice you walking by on the one-lane road’, I had no idea what was driving it. After years of it, I decided to look deeply for the cause. Now I believe that when people live in a small population, being ostracized for siding with someone the group is antagonistic towards can be social suicide, depending on you position in local society. Unlike in a large city where there’s another potential acquaintance/friend around each corner, in a small rural area if you are persona non grata who will shake your hand in church? Who will recommend you for a job at work? Who will help you in an emergency?
Differences in education levels and/or depths is also isolating. If all your neighbors are “nice” but none talk about the arts, international events, personal growth, a love of books, the whole life of the mind thing, your isolation is more than physical. If you have children, you are also forced to socialize more than you might ordinarily do just for their sakes. Navigating that terrain while being true to one’s self requires skill.
It helps to have a cat to keep the mice at bay. Doesn’t help quite so much to keep snakes at bay. (One crawled up 3 stairs and in the door when I opened it last year. Jumped back in surprise instead of shutting the door on it.) When I moved here 5 years ago, I wondered who could sleep with all the racket the crickets made. Don’t notice crickets any more.
All these things can be overcome/managed/tolerated with time though, if you’re willing to put in the effort. To my surprise, many people have volunteered to help me. Paid and unpaid. Even if they overcharge me, it’s cheaper than the national average. No tradesman in New York City ever asked me to pay him what I could. For that matter, in NY I always had a super. How often did I need to hire a tradesman at all? It’s a new skill, as is thinking years ahead of the ramifications of an ill-chosen comment or action. Rural people don’t forget much since there’s not so much going on to distract them. Around here, your children and grandchildren might be reminded of what you did.
Thank you all for your truths, your suggestions and your points of view. I feel less isolated today.
What a wonderful post – thanks so much for sharing your experience. I’m an independent person for the most part, and enjoy my solitude, and am VERY careful who I say what to, generally choosing to not say much at all locally because, you’re absolutely correct that even without social media, rumours and ‘who said what’ flies around incredibly quickly. I do sometimes admire those who don’t worry about it, though, and express controversial opinions on an issue (respectfully, of course), regardless of the consequences. As for us, we just keep to ourselves… 😉
the best cure for a snake problem is a goose or two, or a couple of guineas. They hate snakes and will actively hunt them out to kill them.
Hi Ruth-
Last year I moved to the Ozarks to retire early and enjoy the good life with my boyfriend. I have a country place in IL too, and as a teacher, I spent many summers alone at my cabin; however, I always knew I’d be going back to the suburbs to teach come August.
Now that I don’t have a daily routine where I see people through my work, I am feeling rather isolated due to the factors you mentioned in your words, “Differences in education levels and/or depths is also isolating. If all your neighbors are “nice” but none talk about the arts, international events, personal growth, a love of books, the whole life of the mind thing, your isolation is more than physical.”
If you’re still out there… say hi.
Hi VictoriaI am so glad I came across your website while doing research on how to survive in the country. It has given me a whole new insight to the change I am about to embark on. I have been a city gal all my life although I have always loved being out in nature this will be a whole different ball game. My partner and I are moving into a one bedroom cabin in a hamlet community. The previous owner has had to build a fence in the back to keep the bears out and the elderly couple next door we found out will keep us in supply with fresh veggies from their garden. I just have to learn how to can them amongst a whole lot of other things to learn. I wanted to thank you and I will be referring to your site often. Here goes off to the tranquility of the quite life.
My apologies for taking so long to respond… but I wanted to just say ‘How exciting for you!!’ Hope it’s going great.
Victoria,
Thanks so much for your website and wealth of information! my kids have enjoyed the chicken videos your son made, what a great kid! I am a single mom to my three kids and we are about to move from Portland, Oregon to rural Ohio where I am from. I got tired of working so much while juggling my kids sports and other extracurricular activities. So…with equity in my home, I plan to buy a cheap fixer upper in the country in Ohio and to have a huge garden and plant fruit trees and of course have several chickens! I started longing for the country 11 months ago and it hasn’t let up and circumstances have proven that it is a wise choice. I adore the PacNW, but am excited for our new adventure. I hope my kids will love romping around the country and snowshoeing/sledding in the winter. I am going to keep combing through your articles, I’ve already gained much insight!! Thank you!!!
How exciting! Hope your move went well and that you love your new home. My apologies for taking so long to get back – I’ve been taking a break from writing for a few months and it seems my email from the website conked out – I just discovered all these messages this morning!
Having to drive is pretty much the only reason I’m not living out in the country yet. I could live with slow internet and would be thrilled at having no cell phone reception (I loathe those things). And isolating sounds wonderful to me. But I don’t even have a drivers license and loathe driving and the idea of it all together really. It wouldn’t be practical or fair for my husband to have to do all the driving though. I couldn’t even drive a tractor. I live in a village (always have) where I can at least get basics/necessities like groceries on my own, we have some nature (woods!), a little veggie garden and don’t have to try to sleep with cars zooming by. I’d rather live at the end of a dirt road but I recognize that it’s not gonna work without driving.
Interesting feedback for sure. No one versed any frustrations over noise issues especially at night
during the long hot summers nights. I cannot leave my windows open even a small crack without
the melodies of surrounding neighbors dogs, that bark off and on ALL night.
I have tried being the good ol neighbor person and have tried to talk to a couple of the owners
about their dog singers during the night and I get told….dogs bark!
Will be relocating to a new hopefully quieter area of northern California. I have lived rural for over
16 years in the northern Sierra mountains and looking back in my memory book things were very
different back then. Peace and the quiet of nature was plentiful. It now has been replaced with inferior
sounds that drown out natures music. I am sad but will move on and find once again the peace
I once had and more…..
I came across your website while doing some research for an article and found this post really brought back some memories. Thirty years ago my wife and I moved to a small farmhouse near Bowling Green, Ohio, where we had just graduated from college. We had dreams of, as you say, “huge organic gardens and sipping tea on the front porch after a long day of gardening.” It never really turned out that way. Despite both being from relatively rural backgrounds, we had no idea what we were doing and didn’t have the Internet and sites like yours to guide us. We found our neighbors and the folks at the co-op in town to be cliquish and generally unhelpful. After five years of struggling to make it work while holding down full-time jobs in town, we were exhausted. My wife’s aunt, a former real estate agent, came to visit us one summer day and noted that if we were so miserable here, why didn’t we just sell it and move to the city. My wife and I turned, smiled at each other and 3 months later moved into a condo. I still believe that was the happiest day in my life. Looking back on it, I understand where our mistakes were made, the key one being that the whole venture was woefully under capitalized. I’m not saying that money would have fixed everything, but having a lawn tractor whose transmission didn’t have to be torn apart and rebuilt every 3-4 hours of use would have helped. As for the things I never really could get used to about living out there;
1. Poor TV reception and no cable. In fairness, I could have put up a better antenna, but didn’t have the money.
2. No food delivery.
3. Everything was a 30 minute round-trip drive. Newspaper… 30 minutes. Soda… 30 minutes. Candy bar… 30 minutes.
4. Well water with high iron content. Couldn’t wash whites at home.
5. Power outages ALL THE TIME. If the wind blew, it seemed like the electricity went out.
6. Felt trapped on my property. We had US 25 in our front yard and 500 acres of someone elses corn or soy beans in our backyard.
7. When it snowed, and it snowed a lot in northeast Ohio, had to shovel 50 yards just to get to the road, and then the plows would just come by and throw it all right back in m driveway.
Of course, everything has come full circle now and I’m back to living a more rural and self-reliant lifestyle here in North Carolina with what I call backyard homesteading. Heck, I even teach some gardening classes at the community college.
Hi Victoria!
I had read this article before, but revisited it this morning because, to be honest, we are still adjusting to country life, even two years later. My husband and moved to our house in the woods 2 years and 3 months ago. There have been several challenges to living out here, some expected and some unexpected.
I think the hardest thing has been the isolation. I craved quiet, but sometimes it’s too quiet, as in no people around. We have both been very busy at work, and haven’t had time to make many friends here. Also, fear of dangerous wildlife has been another one. We live in an actual forest, and bears and wolves are a reality. I still have to get my courage up to go for a walk very far. Next, is the inconvenience. Being so far from stores and services mean a lota of extra drving, and that is hard to take sometimes. And finally, the actual work involved. We take our trash to the dump, haul wood and other things to meet our basic needs. My husband does more of that kind of work, and he finds it tiring after his long job hours.
Great article, again! I love your blog and really relate.
I have lived in country towns for two years my family were in one and then moved to another and I moved out. Cold was a big issue, it was a long walk to get to any shops in the bigger town there is nothing to do in the smaller town. Here everyone dislikes anyone who is different you get that in the city too but there is less gossip. Sometimes people are less nosey. I miss the anonymity, meeting new and interesting people, have difficulty trusting people and knowing Im going to get tripped up trying to trust anyone. We moved out of the city because it was noisey. If you confide in someone you know that the whole town will immediately know about it and take a stance on the other side. I constantly have trouble adjusting and just cant firmly ground myself wondering why I even came here.
Yes – that whole ‘everyone knows your business’ thing is something I’ve been pondering lately. I keep pretty much to myself for many reasons, but that’s one of them… 😉 We had an issue here a year or so back that created a huge divide in the community (I kept my nose out of it), because everyone knows everyone and there were some VERY hot feelings… So for folks who love that sort of level of interaction with community, it’s great, but if you love your privacy, not so much – unless you live WAY out and don’t talk to anyone. A definite consideration, for sure. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
Hi Victoria!What a pleasant surprise to see your name and face at the end of this post. While I was reading it, I was actually thinking about you – go figure.
We are exploring an opportunity to move to a 14 acre farm in the California sierras. Generator country, among many other changes. I have to say that I’m a bit anxious, mostly because I am not a fan of cold weather/snow. Other than that, I was raised on an apricot ranch 6 miles from civilization, and I am back at the ranch now living with my mom.
So, lots to consider and would love some advise.
Lovely! Did you end up moving?
The crappy schools, I home school, but would like an alternative because I am getting tired of it. We work our butts off in school. There is not enough time in the day for this Momma to teach properly, feed/milk goats and feed chickens and keep up the other outside chores without equipment and do the house chores. So the farm suffers because school is more important and if those goats scream at me one more time I am going to serve them up for supper. You get frazzled and fried and then you cry. Especially when snow hits. The snow is all beautiful then it’s work. Work to get out of your driveway, work to clear off the stairs and decks. Yes, I have fallen.
Going to the store is a whole preparation and route schedule so I don’t miss anything because it’s too far. The internet is constantly dropping and lack of power is not something I want to throw on top of my already busy day but it happens. I never once was afraid of someone coming to get me up here. I was quite the opposite. How fast could I get help if needed???Needless to say I am moving closer to the amenities.
I love my property and I love being away from city loudness but I am fried after 6 years I think my timer went off and I am done.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s so often we don’t hear the challenges – just the ‘romance’ – so I appreciate your honesty… 🙂 There are days when I consider forgetting about the growing food and chickens part of the equation, because yes, it’s a whole lot of work – and I don’t have goats or cows or any other animals… for that specific reason – I knew it would be my undoing. So I sort of call what we’re doing ‘homesteading-lite’… 😉
oh yeah and the IRON IN THE WATER and our teeth, we have to use baking soda on our teeth or they are orange THAT IS DISGUSTING it comes off but OMG Gross! What whites we have orange tint no white here I don’t even buy white clothes. Everything is dark. You cannot use bleach it makes it worse! My new machines are all orange inside GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!
Interesting! That’s something lots of folks don’t do – check the water. Great reminder for others… 🙂
I am thinking of moving to suburbs after living all 32 years of my life in cities (in USA and my home country). The thought that there is nothing at walking distance is dreadful. The reason I am moving: I want to start a farm. And land is scarce in urban areas of New Jersey.Could you tell how much the greenhouse cost you to build ?
The having to drive everywhere is definitely an issue. So you either have to enjoy being away from it all, or you end up driving a lot… 😉 As for the greenhouse, we’ve just got a tiny one that came it a kit. But frankly, it’s big enough for me for now and I’ve never actually had it full of plants. I think it was about $400 for the kit (I got a great deal – they were about $700 retail), plus the labor, of which there was a lot. There are some really great greenhouse plans out there using reused materials – so it depends on your needs re the size of the building and what sort of materials and building skills you have kicking around. If I had the choice, I probably wouldn’t get this particular kit again – the plastic panels are flimsy and hard to clean without scratching. Not sure what I would do – there’s a good topic for an article! 🙂
Hi, first of all, great article. As Michelle said, having to drive is pretty much the only reason I’m not living out in the country. I could live with slow internet and would be thrilled at having no cell phone reception (I loathe those things). I ‘d rather live at the end of a dirt road but I recognize that it’s not gonna work without driving.
Ruby
Yes, the driving is a definite change – I didn’t even have a car before we moved, so it was a bit shocking. So was the weight I gained from no longer walking everywhere… 😉
The only thing I love about the country is how much house we get for our money. Everything else stinks. I’m on the road about 4 times a week for 3 to 4 hours a day taking the kids to sports and events. This is not counting all the other driving I do. Power outages, no water when that happens. It’s very cold out here in the winters. Rusting cars. People seem weird. People are too busy to get together, unless your a drunk. With all the work mothers have to do out here since their husbands work and have to drive far, most of these women I have met are either on mental medication or drink mornings and nights.
Lack of good doctors/hospitals. Emergency service 30 to 40 minutes. No police just state another 30 minutes to get to me.
It’s nice and quiet here but it is hell when someone has loud music or dogs are barking. These noises are much more louder out here.
Can’t forget morning hunters shooting ooooohhhh…. the noise is so loud! And I would love to end the mice population!
And anything that carries ticks….too much yard work. Our narrow road with no sidewalk where people fly on their trucks.
We have no family out here so there is no time for hubby and wife date nights.
Our days are shot by the driving. We are moving back to convinence. All though I must say I am not looking forward to the traffic……hummmm what to choose, traffic over being on the road 4 times a day about 4 hours a day…..let me think hard.
Your experience is not uncommon, for sure. There are trade-offs if you have to commute to a job, and other trade-offs, too. That’s why it’s so critical to be REALLY clear on the ‘why’ before making the move, as well as lifestyle requirements, because it’s definitely a shock to the system and creates a whole new set of challenges! Hope your move went well – and thank you for sharing your experience. I think it’s important to hear from folks who ended up moving back too! Lots of lessons there… 🙂
I recently moved from a small town outside of Philadelphia to Jacksonville NC. I have been here for one year. I am freaking out ! It caters to Camp Lejeune Marine base. There are no real to-does aside from the downtown area 15 or so miles away, which consist of mostly shopping plazas and eateries. I’m athletic and love outdoor activties most of which are year round from where I were from. The nearest recreational parks are hours away. During the winter months one is basically home bound. I could at any given time (back north) drive and be amazed by the scenery of the landscape, or drive for twenty minutes and, take a stroll in the city window shopping, see a local band or walk/jog in the nearby parks the list is endless. Here in this small still slightly rural town. Funerals and church are considered social gatherings and are looked forward to. (Sounds a little crazy to me but I digress lol). Eagerly awaiting planting season so that I can prepare my raised garden to help keep me somewhat busy. Back north I was a social butterfly. Here I am struggling to keep myself entertained. I have remodeled a 100+ year old house and cleared 30 more ft. of 1.75 acres in the back yard. That took 9 months. Now, on the weekends, well. I’m bored. I don’t own a TV, (didn’t in PA either). I solicit my local library for free dvd’s to watch on my projrctor for the weekends. I have never been so anxious for the turning of seasons. I can’t wait until Spring.
It’s definitely an adjustment! I’m a little less social than many, so it didn’t bother me much (plus for the first few years we had the school community). But if I was a super social person, it would be culture shock, for sure. Hope your spring planting goes well. Would love to hear about your house remodel!
I would like to ask what about country people downsizing and moving into a small town? We are considering doing this and wondered if others have done so. If so, what are the positive and what are the negative? Adjustment time is expected but for how long?
What a great question. I don’t have that experience but maybe someone can share… I promise I’ll be much better at timely responses going forward!
Thank you SOOO much for this post. My husband has given me an ultimatum that we will purchase a farm house on 40 acres, 35 minutes from a semi-major city where I work or he wants a divorce. The past three months have been tearing me apart trying to decide if it’s something I can do. Reading all these comments has been very helpful and this is the only place on the internet I’ve been able to find these kinds of raw comments. I don’t enjoy gardens, animals or solitude. I like get-togethers with intellectual people and reading books.
My apologies for responding so late to your heartfelt comment. It’s definitely a big decision, especially when both parties don’t share the same vision. Depending on the area, you can definitely fine like-minded folks – in our area, which is relatively close to the city but only accessible by boat, there’s a thriving arts community and many brilliant folks who have fled the city. Hoping you can find something similar. Thank you for sharing your experience – means a lot to others who might be in the same boat.
I know this is an old article, but your description of your fear of being alone and every sound seeming like an intruder is exactly what I know I’m going to go through. I’m terrified that as soon as the nearest serial killer knows I’m out there, my homestead adventure will become a police file.
This fear isn’t going to stop me, but I’d sure like to know, did other people overcome this? How?
🙂 Oh, it took probably a good year, maybe even longer. Now I go wandering around outside in the dark without worrying (well, most of the time – I go make a LOT of noise when I do to chase off any 4 legged critters), but the people piece I no longer worry about. It did take awhile, though! Thanks so much for stopping by.
We are retired (husband is semi retired at the moment) and live in a small town (13,000)and it has always been my dream to like the “country life”. I have just finished reading all the issues noted by others on here, it has given me food for thought but hasn’t scared me off. We hope to start our search for a smaller home on a few acres. I am now considering that I shouldn’t be out as far as I had first considered … just incase we need medical help .. or take-out 😉 Thank you for all the great input of people who have actually walked this walk. I’ve also found your FB and signed up for it.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. I know this reply is extremely tardy, but if you see it, do let us know what you decided!
We lived in the country when my son was born. When it was time for school, the schools in the country were lacking the special programs my son needed, and were only available in the city. We commuted for a year. My son was in the second grade and it was an hour each way. In the winter, it was dark when my husband left to take my son to school, he picked him up and took him to work with him until they drove home after my husband got off work – which was again, dark. I had anxiety knowing that if something happened. I was an hour away. So we moved back into the city. Now my son is in high school. We hate big city life, housing is no longer affordable in the city, and we are forced to move back into the country. While we LOVE the idea of living in the country again, we are faced with another one-hour commute each way for the next 4 years – or at least two years until my son learns to drive. Then I will worry nonstop about him driving such a long way every day – especially in bad weather.
I am a male, aged 63, never been married, and no children. Right now I live in a community that’s on the edge of downtown in a top-10 most populated city in the US. I have lived in that city for a little more than 30 years. Lately I am getting sick of it.
Lately I have been feeling like I want to move to the boonies really bad. I’m sick of all of the noises I have to put up with; especially being woken up by neighbors in my apartment. I moved into a 55+ a year ago and I had been disappointed with it. The people living where I am now are very clickish.
There’s an area that’s far away from where I am that appeals to me. The area I’m having my sights on appears to be rural and very far away from a city and suburb. I was planning to visit there in April, but because of the current crisis, I didn’t go. I plan to go this fall if it will be alright to go by then. I don’t know what makes me want to go there. I don’t know anybody in that area. I told some people about it and they say, “something is calling you to go there”. There are some others who are talking me out of it.
I’ll just go and look at it when I’m able to. If I don’t like it, then I won’t go back. I wonder if it’s a good idea for an older, single guy to live in an area like that? I grew up in an area that was out in the sticks. I didn’t like it when I was in my teens because it was too isolating. But I loved going to bed and not have any noise at all.
There might be neighbors with noisy dogs in rural area. Also a neighbor with noisy business. If you move, you want to make sure it’s HOA or at least restricted land with covenants, these prohibit operating of business in the rural subdivision, nuisance and dogs at large or barking dogs often.
You are right. This is something that people need to hear, especially when considering the transition.